Goodnight...

goodnight

there's a dog on the floor
talking on the phone
...and the TVs on

there's a phone in your hand,
dog on the floor,
and some cash on the nightstand

what should I do, little baby.
outside and dark, and i'm
...finally home now

Feeling morbid.....

Sweet Dreams

A Funeral Poem..... from Memories of Me, Billy Crystal 1988

Now's the time to go to sleep.
Time to slip away.
Time to say Sweet Dreams,
To the things that I love today.

Sweet dreams to the stars.
Sweet dreams to the breeze.
Sweet dreams to belly buttons that go in.
Sweet dreams to belly buttons that go out.

Sweet dreams to all the tushies in the world.
Little ones and the big fat ones.
Like the waitress at the bowling alley.
Sweet Dreams.

Friends, relationships.....

You touched my life... and were gone again.

joe
earl
kevin
ben
chris
scott
albie
mike
jeff
scott
ej
brian
danny
brian x3
scott
johnny
nick
tommy
johnny
brad
dave
eric
patrick
ken
josh
jim
tim
jeff
larry
kenny
kaycie
krispin
doug 
daniel
greg
art
mark
peter
patrick
ali
sam
larry
giovanni
joey
david
billy
anthony 
richard 
dominic
peter 
david
marco
edgar
steve x4
shawn
rebecca 
nina
brian 
stacy
dave

Dream Theatre

You'll need a cast of characters for this one... Dave is my boyfriend, Matt, his brother. I apologize -for the surreal quality to this, but I wrote it out as I woke, and remembered it. It was very stream-of-consciousness.

So I had this dream......


For some reason, I had to stay at a hotel. Dave & Matt dropped me off, I collected my things, checked in, grabbed a pillow from the room, and went to the movies. I didn't want to sit alone all night; I needed some entertainment.

The hotel had an outdoor theater. It was supposed to be a showing of Clan of the Cave Bear - a new version to coincide with the release of the video game. Tickets were only $5. The seating were stone benches, in the manner of a coliseum.

The speakers near me kept going out, and I complained several times within the theater. I finally went and complained up at the customer service counter.

The ticket agent at the counter was so extremely rude. His response to my complaint was that if I wanted a better experience at the theater, then I should pay more for my tickets and go downtown. I very calmly stated that he was arrogant and rude, and to have a nice night by himself - as he'd need to get used to it. I then left the theater.

For some reason, the lobby of the theater had an alcove that led into the unused, under construction, a portion of the hotel I was staying at.

There was decor on the walls, almost ready for commercial use. They had swords for sale - to be a part of the video game pre-release of Clan of The Cave Bear, as well. I had wandered into a hallway where all of the hotel room doors were open. All of the rooms were either unused or unfurnished. Or where they were "furnished," it was not the hotel's standard furnishings, but the construction worker's personal effects.

At some point, I had picked up a short sword to purchase, I remember it was a $65 sword. A female attendant saw me with it and gestured toward a larger conference room saying that in order to be a part of the beta-testing of the new video game, that in addition to the $65 sword, I would need to also purchase the 'Trafalgar Sword' - a sword meant for clan leaders in the video game. I thanked her for the info and walked on. I entered the conference room and removed the long sword from its mounting, and walked out with it.

As I was walking through the hallway with the sword, I started thinking about the rude treatment that I received from the customer service clerk; every step I took, I was becoming increasingly agitated.

I found an exit to the hotel floors, walked through and found my room, and...

.....stole both of the swords. Then I woke up.

To all of my dear friends and relatives... She fell.

To all of my dear friends and relatives,

You know which list you are on... and I love you all. Last Friday, I was notified that my mother, Peggy, had passed away. While this is never good news, and there can never be a ‘best’ time to learn of this, the manner and delivery of both were shocking and tragic. I know many of you either have no idea of the nature of our relationship (my mother’s and I), but many of you know exactly the type of relationship we had; somewhat estranged, eternally unpredictable…..

She fell.


For my mother, this could represent much more than this last physical act of falling from a second-floor balcony (I won’t get into the bad stuff; I was always taught not to say anything at all if you couldn’t say anything nice). My mom was hopelessly nostalgic, intrinsically competitive; and I have to remember her as the ultimate vision of herself. She was creative - string arts, sewing, a culinary wiz, a baking fiend (I’m still trying to get her peanut butter cookies perfected). She could be selfless at times – she worked with the Los Angeles Community Action Network (LACAN) to feed, clothe, and house the homeless. She worked with the Culver City Community Center helping Senior citizens with their activities.

As to the nostalgia, maybe my mom was hoping for that simpler time in the 50’s and 60s. Maybe she just liked all the happy memories. As a child, I remember painting ceramic ornaments with our Aunt Verna, her twin sister. Going to auctions, shopping, staying up late talking…. More recently – laughing hysterically at trying to teach me how to crochet (she taught me wrong! I have video proof!).

We all have problems, issues - things we don’t want to deal with. Death is #1 on that list for most (well maybe next to public speaking – to me, this letter almost qualifies as that – I don’t usually burden others with my emotional tribulations). If nothing else, people…. I know it’s uncomfortable, looking your mortality in the face and moving forward anyway, but especially if you have a family to leave behind – make a living trust, write out your will – let someone know exactly what you want to happen. If I had not had that conversation with my mother, I may not have done what she wanted. She was only 64. I didn’t expect to have to deal with the death of one of my parents for 15 years or so. (The men and women on both sides of the family ranged in age from 64 to 100 at the time of their death; I was hoping for the latter end of that range, I guess.)

May you all have started your new year out

…on a much more pleasant note,

Kari

P.S.
If you want to contact me, I am easiest to get via email, or you can contact me on my portable/home number (if you have it - edited for public posting)

Myers-Brigg Test Results

Your personality type is ISTJ.
Introverted (I) 71% Extraverted (E) 29%
Sensing (S) 55% Intuitive (N) 45%
Thinking (T) 70% Feeling (F) 30%
Judging (J) 68% Perceiving (P) 32%

Careers for ISTJ Personality Types

Whether you're a young adult trying to find your place in the world, or a not-so-young adult trying to find out if you're moving along the right path, it's important to understand yourself and the personality traits which will impact your likeliness to succeed or fail at various careers. It's equally important to understand what is really important to you. When armed with an understanding of your strengths and weaknesses, and an awareness of what you truly value, you are in an excellent position to pick a career which you will find rewarding.

ISTJs generally have the following traits:

• Value tradition, security, and peaceful living
• Will work long and hard to fulfill duties
• Can be depended on to follow through on tasks
• Loyal and faithful
• Stable, practical and down-to-earth
• Family-minded
• Dislike doing things which don't make sense to them
• Dislike abstract theory, unless they see the practical application
• Natural leaders
• Prefer to work alone, but work well in teams when necessary
• Extremely observant, they take in facts via their senses and store them internally
• Vast, rich inner store of facts which they rely on to understand problems which they encounter in their lives
• Profound respect for facts and concrete information
• Make decisions objectively, applying logic and rational thinking
• Dislike change, unless they are shown it's benefit in a concrete way
• Have strong opinions about the way things should be done
• Appreciate structured, orderly environments
• Have very high standards for their own behavior and the behavior of others
• Not naturally in-tune with other people's feelings
• Able to accomplish almost anything if they put their minds to it
• Community minded "good citizens"

ISTJs have one character trait which puts them at a definite advantage in terms of career success - Perserverance. An ISTJ can do almost anything that they have decided to do. However, there are areas in which they will function more happily and naturally. An ISTJ will do best in a career in which they can use their excellent organizational skills and their powers of concentration to create order and structure. ISTJs seem to fit extremely well into the Management and Executive layer of the corporate business world.

The following list of professions is built on our impressions of careers which would be especially suitable for an ISTJ. It is meant to be a starting place, rather than an exhaustive list. There are no guarantees that any or all of the careers listed here would be appropriate for you, or that your best career match is among those listed.

Possible Career Paths for the ISTJ:

• Business Executives, Administrators and Managers
• Accountants and Financial Officers
• Police and Detectives
• Judges
• Lawyers
• Medical Doctors / Dentists
• Computer Programmers, Systems Analysts, and Computer Specialists
• Military Leaders

Letters Unsent

Dear Joe,
I liked you a lot. What we thought was real was only puppy love. Then we both expanded our worlds. I heard you were getting married the other day and spending the rest of your life with someone else. I just want to let you know that I hope you’re happy.

Dear Kevin,
We learned so much. We were immature when we met and bonded our lives together. I was so afraid of life I put the burden upon your shoulders, from the bottom of my heart; I’m sorry for that. Even though you treated me poorly, you were the only one who loved me for who I am and didn’t have expectations. You never once regretted loving me, but it just scared you away.

Dear Ben,
We cared so deeply it surprised me in the end. What you said to others did not justify how you treated me. Why couldn’t you talk to me? I always listened. But it was always silent, and I had to go. It was too cold.

Dear Fred,
I like you muchly. I was vulnerable and I saw the light shining from within your heart. I didn’t know how to show you how much you meant to me. If you could grant me one request, don’t forget me. Or our joint-custody dog Siggy.

Dear Shawn,
I cared too much. As a teenager, I would’ve sold my soul for a boy like you. But I’m afraid I don’t have that in me anymore. Everything in your life was dark and cold. I thought I could be the one to change that. You tried to be deep with your philosophies on life, but failed miserably. Please be careful, not everyone can take your depression like I can.

Dear Edgar,
For you it was all for fun, and that – we had. I just needed more than you could give me. You said you needed time. You said you needed space. You said you couldn’t be tied down right now. I saw you the other day with your new girlfriend. She’s pretty; seems sweet.

Dear Dave,
You showed me what it was to truly love someone. I wish that was all I needed. I made decisions for us; you made them for yourself. I am tired of that escalator ride, it broke. and I don't know how to repair it. Everything before you was just practice for the real thing. I can’t wait for the future and what I am sure it brings us; our lives together. I love that you listen, and truly hear what I have to say. My heart grows with every act of love and thoughtfulness you commit.

Okay... so I never posted here.....

The blog's here, but nothing is written. I found a bunch of stuff in my PC (and out) and I think I am going to put it all here. It's years old, so don't hate me and the horrible writing! Sorry it took so long.....

yeah, this shows up in the middle of it all... because I dated the posts for the time they were written. Obviously I couldn't have posted on blogger in 1998! I have only been a member since 2006! and had to restart the blog now a couple of times, so not even sure what it shows as my membership date now.

Enjoy.... or not!   :)

Names by Incarnation

by Peggy Cummings...



Dogon finally gave me my African name.

Sennua Neter - means "I am the likeness of God."

Names by Incarnation Objective
African Names - the ancient language of ancient Egyptian Keys to Pharonic.....

Unlocking Your Power & Destiny, by Heki Metu Pi Enkamit

Introduction by Ri Un

Nefer Amen, author of the Metu Neter

Peggy's Pleasures

My mom wrote this all over the place.

I think in the last years while working within the community it really resonated with her.

I believe it as well.

Feeling

Dreaming; I’m not sleeping
Have I died,
Or been brought to life?

Swimming; as I’m sinking
I’m holding on to you,
Letting go.

Naked; I like you naked
And when I fake it,
You like me more.

Exploring; The taste I’m touching
You’re watching me,
I’m watching you.

How does it feel?
Making love to me like you do.
How would it feel?
To make love to you the way I do.

Tell me; who would you be?
Would you be me?
The woman in me?

I want; I want to know
What you’re feeling
I want to crawl under your skin
I want to know how you feel in me.
Your touch
Your feeling